Book Review - Confessions of an Alli Cat (The Cougar Chronicles, #1) by Courtney Cole
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Courtney Cole
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My rating: 5 of 5 starsAbsolutely Hilarious !!!!!
Honestly I laughed my butt off with this book .... and this would be a major part of the book , that I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants honestly ....
Twenty minutes later, I am terrified. I am naked from the waist down, flat on my back with a tiny towel covering up my female parts. A tiny little chick with an eyebrow ring is getting the wax ready and
I’m panting again. Did I mention that the wax will be hot? And that it is going on my private, tender female parts? I pant harder.
“Calm down,” Sara instructs, sitting next to me.
They don’t usually allow spectators in, but Sara convinced them that I would need my hand held. At the moment, I think I would rather hold hands with the devil himself, considering how it is Sara’s fault
that I am in this predicament in the first place.
“Your vagina will thank you,” she announces to me. “So suck it up and put your big girl panties on. You’re going to
be fine.” “I can’t put my big girl panties on,” I
hiss. “Because I’m getting the hair on my vagina ripped out by the roots. So, obviously, I can’t pull up any panties, biggirl
or otherwise.” Sara rolls her eyes.
“Why do you have to be so melodramatic?” she asks, peering at me
over the top of her fashion magazine. “This is for your own good. Do you really want to walk around with something
that needs a weed-wacker?” The Waxer-Girl (because I have no
idea what her true title is) giggles as she
turns around, a wooden spatula thingie in
her hand. I gulp and I know my eyes are
wild as I assess the room for an escape
hatch. Without even looking up, Sara puts
a hand on my arm. “Don’t even think about it,” she says,
while still reading her article. “I’m going to throw up,” I try.
“No, you’re not,” she answers. “I have cramps,” I attempt.
“Doesn’t matter,” she replies. “I think I’m pregnant,” I hedge, as a last attempt. “Impossible,” she says heartlessly.
“And irrelevant. Preggos need bald vajayjays too. Now, let’s get on with it, shall we?”She’s looking at me now, with one
thinly sculpted brow practically raised into her red hairline. I gulp and nod, squeezing my eyes shut. I do not want to
watch this. At all.“For the record,” I tell Sara while
keeping my eyes tightly closed, “I do not need a weed-wacker.”
“Irrelevant,” she says again, her attention once again absorbed by her
magazine. I sigh. Waxer-Girl clatters around a little bit
by my elbow and then examines my vag. “Okay, Ms. Lancaster,” she says. “I’m just going to first spread the wax, then…”
I interrupt her. “I don’t want to know,”
I say firmly. “Just do it. I’m not looking.”
“Okay, m’am,” she says. I can tell she's smiling, but I don’t care.
Considering the circumstances, I also
overlook the fact that she called me the
dreaded m’am. I feel the wax, hotter than I would have
imagined, getting spread on the part of me
that should never be exposed in a salon or
anywhere else with fluorescent lighting.
Ever. Except in a doctor’s office which
can’t be helped. She puts something thin on top of the
wax. Then she pats it down. And pats
some more. And since I have had my
eyebrows waxed faithfully every six
weeks like clockwork since I was a
teenager, I know what comes next. I brace
for it. And brace for it. And hold my
breath and brace for it again.
And then it comes.
Riiiiiiippppppppp.
The room literally blurs for a second. I
think I might actually be having an
aneurysm from the white-hot pain. I can
barely even see straight.
“Holy shit!” I yelp. I grab ahold of
Sara’s arm now and sink my fingernails into it.
“Oh, so now you want to hold my
hand?” Sara says with interest. And a
little bit of snark. “No,” I snarl. “Now I would like to rip
your hand off. Just like you just had my
pubic hairs ripped off. It’s only fitting,
don’t you think?” She shakes her head. “Oh, Alli. You
truly are a drama queen. Now I know
where Sophie gets it. You’re going to “I might,” I tell her confidently. “But I doubt you will.”
Sara rolls her eyes as the second round
of wax gets applied. Pat, pat, pat.
I cringe, getting ready.
Riiiiiippppppp.
I yelp again. And dig my nails deeper
into Sara’s arm. If possible, that was
worse than the first time.
“Oh, holy pygmy monkeys,” I moan,
wanting desperately to cradle my vagina
and sing to it. I’m sorry, my pet, I tell it silently. I
know I promised that I wouldn’t hurt
you. It was her idea. Not mine.
“Alli, you’re going to be fine,” Sara
says impatiently. “Beauty comes with a
price.” I can hear a tiny bit of sympathy in
survive, trust me.”
her voice now, though. Because of that, I
wonder if I’m bleeding down there.
“Not now, Sara,” I say through gritted
teeth. “I’m apologizing to my vagina.”
Waxer-Girl laughs aloud now, and I
glare at her. She averts her gaze instantly
and applies more wax.
NOW you see why I was ......
Ok now that I got that outta the way lol ...
This book is about a 35 yr old woman Alli , her best friend decides that after getting divorced from a 15 yr marriage where her husband cheated on her it is time for Alli to get back into the dating scene . SOOO the Good BFF that Sara is gets her to go out with her to meet with a Male Gigilo ... She has the time of her life and from then it is one funny thing after another ... and add in a little bit of interesting happenings and you will surely enjoy this book .
I don't want to give to much away in the book because Then there is no point in reading it , but I will say this If you Loved Wallbanger , you will surely LOVE this one ...
I can not wait to see what Courtney Cole has in store for us with the next book in this series
View all my reviews
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